My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness  (2 Corinthians 12)

“Little ones to Him belong.  They are weak but he is strong” (From ‘Jesus Loves Me” written by Anna Bartlett Warner).

A couple of years ago I was watching an episode of ‘The Simpsons’.   Yes, I know that this cartoon can be outrageous, crude and irreverent, but I also find it at times a scathing and amusing statement on society.  I also am impressed with how they sensitively and progressively handle issues of faith and church most of the time.  Anyway…..in this episode, all of the teachers have gone out on strike.  For all sorts of good reasons; class size, the eroding of school budgets, the corporate ‘sponsorship’ of educational materials and so on.  Of course, with all the kids out of school, mayhem pretty much ensued.  Except for one sole ‘hold-out’; and that was the character of Lisa Simpson.  Lisa diligently kept up all her school work and wrote her own assignments and tests until she had a little bit of a meltdown.  The meltdown consisted of Lisa rocking in the corner of one of the empty classrooms begging anyone who passed her by to “evaluate me, evaluate me!”.  Her whole sense of self and validity was based on what her teachers told her was good work, and worthy of an ‘A’. 

I’m afraid I relate a little too much with Lisa Simpson.

I really like external evaluation.  I love when people tell me that I’m doing a good job at something.   I like report cards and grades and the sense of accomplishment that they bring.  I have secretly wished I could get grades for my sermons.  I work hard at my them and I ‘think’ most of the time they land pretty well.  I also really do pray for insight and discernment for them – but you know, there’s nothing like a “I’ll give that one an A+, Rev.!” to cheer me up right after worship. 

Yeah – I know that ministry is not about grades and evaluation but instead is about inspiring the people of God to prophetically live in our world.  Really, I do know that.  But I do have this pesky little Lisa Simpson part of me that rocks in the corner of my brain begging people to “evaluate me, evaluate me!”. 

There’s this theory in psychology that was first introduced in the 1960s by a guy named David McClelland, called Need for Achievement (Nach).  McClelland suggested that people like me and Lisa Simpson are highly motivated by “a strong desire to excel, master skills, and achieve significant accomplishments, often seeking out moderately challenging tasks where they can demonstrate their abilities and receive feedback on their progress” (retrieved from: https://www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-psychology/motivation-and-factors-affecting-motivation/content-section).  The theory goes on to suggest that not only are people like me motivated to achieve, but we’re also driven to avoid failure; to the point where we will refuse to try things that look too hard because we’re worried that we may get an ‘F’ in life. 

Sigh.  I know there really aren’t grades handed out in life.  It’s been a hard lesson for me to learn and I still fall back on the idea that if I just try hard enough then I can be fully a success. 

This week as I have made progress in my physio, I was given the ‘all clear’ to go back to the pool and to the gym.  I was cautioned by my very patient physio to cut myself some slack and not work too hard because I’ll be surprised by the amount of pain I’ll have to manage after.  And you know what – I didn’t pay any attention and tried to go back to my regular rate of activity pre-surgery.  Guess what?  It hurt.  I ended up in bed at 6pm with ice packs and a whack of Tylenol. 

I was lamenting my lack of progress to one of my good friends, Rev. Jessica Hetherington; who laughed at me and said “Its o.k. to not get an ‘A’ in physio, Lynne.  Sometimes you just should strive for a ‘pass’; or maybe a ‘B’”. 

I think you all can be proud of me for not cursing at her to her face. 

But then I started to remember some things about my whole Need for Achievement, and I realized that I have internalized messages that say things like “you need to try your hardest all of the time”, and “if you want good grades then you have to work for them”.  I also realized that I have internalized that external markers of ‘success’ are the only things that are worth evaluating our lives on – external markers that include things like accumulation of wealth, of healthy and slim bodies that are clearly the product of many hours at a gym, and even the clothes that we wear or how our homes ‘look’ to others.  Most recently, it has felt like I must ‘work hard’ at my rehab so that I can be the A student in knee replacement; even if it means that I disregard a professional’s advice to ‘take things easy’. 

There are moments in my life that I picture Jesus rolling his eyes at me and saying, “why has it taken so long to get it through your thick skull that you don’t need to be perfect”.  But then I think he gives me a hug and says “you’ve got this honey.  I’ll be perfect for you.  You can let me be the strong one.  That’s my role in life”. 

And all I can say back to Jesus is “I’ll try”.  I don’t like the parts of me that feel weak and unworthy.  I really don’t like being needy and I feel demanding when I ask for help.  But this time?  I’ll try.  And I’ll hold on to the truth that God is as present in my weakness as God is in my strength.  And I’m just as worthy with a ‘B’ in physio as I am with an ‘A’. 

Blessings today, my dear friends who I miss so much.  We’ve got this.  And we are Loved.

~Rev. Lynne

(PS Pic this week is just because I’m sooooo tired of the snow!)