What would you think if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song

And I’ll try not to sing out of key

 Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends

Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

(From ‘A Little Help from my Friends’ recorded by the Beatles, Lyrics by Billy Shears)

 

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.  (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

 

I had a meltdown last week.

No, I don’t mean that literally, even though we are in the middle of a heat wave.  What I mean is that last week I had a bunch of moments where my emotions were pretty unmanageable and I find myself driving and crying so hard that I had to pull over.  Its not surprising.  All of you knew that I lost a close family member, and that there was a lot of ‘water under the bridge’ with the extended family relationships.  I don’t think that my family is any different from pretty much all families; all relationships are complex and resulting from that, all feelings around family events are complex.  As one of our friends put things “What’s a family event without a family crisis?”. 

I know that there is a tendency to sanctify people when they die.  And if that’s what you need to do, then fine, do that.  But I believe that everyone is more than the single dimension of ‘goodness’, and that part of recognizing people is the wholeness of who they are, and the complexity of who they are as a person.  And as we grieve someone who has died, it’s the whole of us that are grieving, in all of our complexity. 

Anyway, back to my meltdown. 

I pulled over on the side of the river, and began texting two of my friends.  My first text was two my long-time go-to person, Vicky.  She has been my BFF and soul-sister for many many years, has seen me through many many complex family situations and is the one person who can talk me down from any ceiling I have landed on.  Her response to me was entirely predictable.  She said;

“Lynne, you’ve had a lot on your plate recently.”  “I’m pretty sure that’s not something you have to take care of right now.” And “you’ve got what you need to manage this whole thing”. 

It was exactly what I needed to hear, and it meant that I could get back on the road and drive home. 

When I got home, I texted my other BFF, Jessica; this one is technically my ‘work-bestie’ because we know each other from ministry circles.  I have known her for far less time than Vicky but we share the unique identity of being clergy in the United Church.  Jessica’s response was entirely different Vicky’s.  Jessica said;

“Wow – that’s huge.”  “No wonder you feel the way you do.” “That’s an impossible situation and no one should have to cope with this”.  “Your feelings are entirely justified”. 

I joked later that I have Vicky to talk me down from the ceiling, but I have Jessica to tell me that if I need to be up at the ceiling then I’m entitled to be there for as long as I need to.   Vicky got my home, and Jessica validated my situation.  And because I’m a complex person, dealing with complex situations, both responses are what I need in life. 

I’ve been thinking all week about how important it is to have people who see the whole of who we are and what we deal with in life.  We aren’t called to be people that are one-dimensional; we are called to a multiplicity of roles and feelings and situations as full humans with complex gifts and outlooks.  Our relationships with each other become then exponentially complex, especially over time.  

But this is what it means to be whole people.  “Whole people of God” to pull the title from our old United Church Sunday School curriculum.  Wholeness means that we aren’t always ‘rainbows and unicorns’.  Wholeness means that sometimes life is about gratitude, but other times its about despair.  Wholeness means that sometimes you need ‘talking down’ because you need to get on the road again, but sometimes you also need validation that things are hard. 

We are called to everything.  ‘To every season’ as the scripture from Ecclesiastes says. 

Whatever time you’re in right now?  It’s Kairos.  God’s time. 

And you can get by with a little help from your friends.

Blessings today and remember you are Loved.

~Rev. Lynne