“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
— Frederick Buechner
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
This morning when I was on social media catching up on what news I could find, I was given (sent? What is it called when the internet gremlins just make a decision on what you should read?) a link to the Public Service Jobs website to apply for a job in “Security” for CSIS.
A SPY!!! How cool is that. There are stories in my family that one of my relatives was a spy. Of course, we don’t really know if he was actually a spy because spies aren’t supposed to divulge what they do. Considering that all I know about being a spy comes from James Bond movies, I don’t think I’m the best candidate for this advertised position. And to be honest, the family member that we all ‘think’ was a spy, is no James Bond. But I spent a really happy 5 minutes of time with my coffee and in my flannel polar bear jammies pondering what my life would be if I was a spy.
The James Bond glamor is a loooooonnnnnnnngggg stretch for this dumpy middle-aged clergy member.
I also spent a little bit of time writing a letter of recommendation this morning for a colleague that is applying for further education, and all of this has me wondering: What exactly do we all want to be when we grow up? And, more importantly, because I’m in the business of thinking about these things, how do we actually discern God’s direction for our lives?
I’m a pretty concrete person and I like my direction to be tangible and obvious. But unfortunately, it seems like God is out of lightening bolts or burning bushes these days so I have never had a crystal-clear moment of revelation from God. Instead, its like I’ve had this series of gentle nudges in a certain direction. Like, when I went back to do my M.Div. I had zero desire to be in Ministry. I was doing my M.Div because, well, I love school, and I love the church and it seemed like a really good idea at the time. I didn’t go into ministry because this was a vocational choice not particularly supported in my extended family; it wasn’t ‘prestigious’ and definitely wouldn’t make me enough money to ensure a good social standing. Several people made sure I understood that I wasn’t a good enough person to be in ministry. Several others made sure I understood that I could never adequately preach to fulfill the responsibilities of ministry. But I wanted school (my deep desire), and so I went to school.
And found out when I was there that this was the place I belonged. Not because of some wonderful revelation. Not because God appeared to me in any tangible way.
I just went and found out when I got there that this was Good.
I really believe that when we acknowledge our deep desires, and when we take great ‘joy’ in who God has created us to be, then that’s the place that we find our vocation. That’s where we find our purpose and meaning. But it really does take a shift in focus, doesn’t it.
We have to shift our focus away from the expectations and judgement of the people around us and focus instead on what ‘delight’ we can find in God’s world. We have to shift our focus away from social expectations of wealth and power as standards for what makes us ‘good’ and ‘effective’ people. And we also have to recognize that, as skilled as we may be, and as wonderful a creation that God has made us, that we aren’t going to be ‘good’ enough right away by human standards; and that learning and growing into your vocation is part of the whole process.
So maybe I actual
ly could be a spy. (Spy notebook to the side)
Or maybe I already am a spy, and you all will never know because I’m not able to divulge this information.
But whatever I am, and whatever I do, I know that if I take my focus off of pleasing the world around me, and focus instead on serving the world around me in God’s name, then I am in my vocation.
And that will be the desire of my heart.
Blessings today, and Remember you are loved (whatever you are doing!)
~Rev. Lynne