“Do justly, Love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8)
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Over the Christmas holidays, as happens with pretty much every holiday that we’ve turned into a celebration of family and togetherness, as opposed to what the roots of the holiday are, I watched a whole lot of problems with expectations and relationships rear their ugly head. There were some pretty harsh words said, and opinions expressed that resulted in some… well….dicey relationship moments? I found myself at one point, saying emphatically that we needed to go back to a premise of kindness, and a belief that everyone makes choices in life based on what they can with what they have.
In the middle of this whole thing, I had a whispered private conversation with my sister, one of the only people in my life who can call me out, who said to me “Your claws are showing”.
Sigh. She totally was right. I was saying what I was saying not out of a real honest plea for kindness, but out of a whole lot of self-centeredness. I had been feeling like my judgement was being called into question and that I was being asked to do something that I wasn’t comfortable doing. And really, I was. And I was pretty angry about this. I don’t like being judged and found wanting. I don’t like being asked to do something that I think is unnecessary or may even be harmful to my wellbeing even if it appears to be the “right” thing to do. I also really don’t like it when the assumption is that my reasons for not doing something are not as valid as their reasons for to do so.
So I’ve been wrestling with myself since then and realized that frankly:
Kindness results in certain acts but starts as a shift in attitude.
A shift from wanting to be ‘right’ to just accepting opinions as opinions that people are entitled to.
A shift from wanting what to be regarded well to just letting others beliefs about you just be that – their beliefs about you; not attitudes that require changing.
A shift from looking for external validation of your choices and decisions to having a steady and unwavering internal validation of who you are in God’s eyes.
I’ve been reading a whole lot on ‘Flourishing’, and have used the information from the Harvard Flourishing Project to start looking at my life, and Bethel’s life so that we can all move to a place where we believe that we are a community that flourishes. One of the activities that the Flourishing Project encourages is ‘Acts of Kindness’ . We all know that little acts of kindness can make the recipient feel better, but there is now preliminary evidence suggesting that these acts of kindness can actually improve our own sense of well-being. The website suggests that “…..a few small randomized trials suggest that being instructed to carry out several acts of kindness (that one would not ordinarily otherwise do) each week, over the course of several weeks, can increase one’s happiness and life satisfaction, and make one feel more engaged, less anxious, and more connected.” (https://hfh.fas.harvard.edu/how-to-flourish). Not only that, but apparently these acts of kindness, can have a ripple effect, and encourage the recipients of the kindness to then carry out their own acts of kindness, resulting in a whole community with a foundation of kindness and resilience.
I don’t know about you all – but I can get totally behind a life where I am “more engaged, less anxious and more connected”. I also can get totally behind a whole community of people who feel the same way.
And I wonder today if its more than these external imposed acts of kindness – which are seriously lovely – but instead is a shift of a whole way of being. A way of being that is premised on protecting, trusting, hoping and persevering as stated in the 1 Corinthians scripture, or maybe in justice, mercy and humility as in the Micah scripture. A shift in attitude that is rooted in Christ, as outlined by the Ephesians scripture.
In short, a shift from being focused on ourselves to being focused on God.
So, my dear Bethel Friends, this week, lets see if we can actually shift away from ourselves to a life of kindness that is focused on God. I’ll sheath my claws and deliberately plans some acts of kindness. I hope that you will too. It’ll mean that all of us will be in a better place.
Blessings today and remember you are Loved.
~Rev. Lynne
A resounding YES in agreement to being more intentional.
I find acts of kindness beyond family isn’t as hard. I would say I can do more and be more intentional about it. With family dynamic, it is often hard. Sometimes it is difficult to see past the judgement. I think with family we have high expectations for return in love, understanding and even thanks. Perhaps though, we don’t see the response or the expectation is such, the recipient feels judged. We had our own family drama this Christmas. It concerned many and us, as parents in particular. But while upset in the moment, we took time to listen and hear the concerns so that we could all heal and move forward. Yet, it’s hard to move past resentment. Forgiveness is big part of healing.