Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1: 17)

Trendy: adjective   informal

Modern and influenced by the most recent fashions or ideas (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/trendy)

 

When my kids were younger and still at home living in our house like kids live with mountains of laundry, spills, overflowing backpacks and shows strewn from the front door to the back door, we had an older couple without children spend quite a bit of time at our house.  I like having people come visit and I would welcome them in every time they arrived, even if things were a chaotic and messy.  This couple had a vastly different lifestyle from us; they didn’t have kids, they were both big on the ‘latest’ design and décor, had new furniture about every 3 years or so, and constantly were decorating and renovating their house.  This choice even extended to their fashion choices, and they both dressed impeccably, spent small fortunes on haircuts and esthetics and so on.  Hugh and I were just trying to keep one step ahead of the Health Unit shutting us down for Code violations!  At this point in my career, I worked with tiny humans under the age of 3, so my normal attire was clothing I could comfortably sit on the floor in, and often was covered in dirt, drool and spit-up.  I worked hard at keeping on top of things – but really my house was big on welcome and affection but was pretty small on fashion and tidiness.

 

After getting to know this couple, they started randomly showing up at our house with their ‘hand me downs’ for furniture and, well, stuff.  Some of the items came from their home, and were their cast offs from the last round of decorating.  Some of the items came from the one person’s workplace, and were random, institutional grade items like a big black carpet runner and steel storage shelving.  Hugh and I recognized that they were trying to be generous, and so we would just smile and say ‘thank you’, and then plot to get rid of the stuff as soon as it came in the house.  We ended up spending money that we didn’t have at the time on having someone come and take the things to landfill.  Hugh and I are both kind of “anti-trend”.  We like what we like, but really are not comfortable with the cost of being ‘fashionable’ and the demand of turning over furniture and décor every few years.  Besides which, we need to have things in our home that allow us to ‘live’ in our living room without a ton of concern about the consequences of this living.  (Although I’m still kinda protective of my great-grandparent’s piano that seems to have become a ‘clutter zone’ for dog treats and random pieces of mail).

 

I eventually got really frustrated with this dynamic between our home and their home, and tried to limit it to no avail.  Several times I heard this couple say things like “we have something better than this”, or “here, this looks more ‘on trend’ than what you have”.  Any of the renos that we did were met with clucks of disapproval; and the bottom line was that our renos were not for aesthetic reasons, they were for practical and often desperate reasons.  And that was what we needed and could afford.

 

I ended up feeling resentful of all of their well-meaning efforts.  I ended up feeling like I was ‘less than’ them and that they were constantly trying to make over not only my home but my whole outlook on living in my home.  I tried desperately to “just say thank-you”, like my grandmother had taught me was mannerly, but honestly, I didn’t feel the least bit thankful.  I didn’t like these gifts.  I hadn’t asked for these gifts.  The gifts constantly made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, and that even their discarded items were better than what I had.  I also had to spend money and time getting rid of all of the unwanted items; both of which were very scarce in our household.

 

And I couldn’t rid myself of the feeling that I was being “made over”; their own version of Extreme Makeover: Gardiner edition.  In this case I was being ‘made over’ in their likeness – because God’s likeness wasn’t good enough.

 

It has taken me many years to rid myself of that sense of inadequacy; the sense that no matter who I am or how I present myself and my home, its not ‘good enough’ and that someone else’s second hand ‘stuff’ is the solution.  And we have this odd relationship with a society with gifts, don’t we.  No matter what, we are expected to be ‘grateful’ for gifts from others.  Gifts that imply that we aren’t good enough.  Gifts that don’t necessarily imply anything, but aren’t something that we asked for or even need.  Gifts that are meant to placate us so that we don’t actually expect to have our needs met.  Gifts that end up costing us our resources or even our souls because all we are supposed to do is be grateful; but we aren’t.

 

And into this God speaks to us about “good and perfect gifts”.  Good and perfect gifts that meet our deep longings and hunger.  God and perfect gifts that recognize that we aren’t in need of placating, or an ‘extreme makeover’, or that what we have doesn’t need to be trendy or what others think is more attractive.

 

Good and perfect gifts for us;  all of us who already made in God’s image, so we don’t need renos.

 

Now that’s something I can be grateful for.

 

Blessings today, and remember you are Loved.

~Rev. Lynne