Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor. (1 Peter 2:17)
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
A couple of weeks ago, I received very specific instructions from an acquaintance telling me exactly HOW to dial the telephone to call the hospital. Emily called it “man-splaining”. I don’t like that term at all because it assumes that this kind of micro-management is gender specific.
The instructions were intended to be ‘helpful’, and I think that the person who sent them to me were intending to ensure that I called the person in question. But I was totally annoyed. I was totally annoyed because, really, I know how to dial the phone and really, I call hospitals easily once a week. I was also annoyed because, really, I’m not a child, and I felt like I was being treated like I couldn’t make choices around who and when I communicate with. I felt hugely disrespected. I’m kinda sure you all get that!
So I sat with my annoyance for a couple of days. Yes, I can be a bit persistent in being irritated. I’m the middle child of a family of four so I’m used to nursing grudges. After a few days, the irritation died down, but the little ‘burn’ of disrespect has continued. And unfortunately, it means that I will be very cautious with this person in the future. One of my ‘buttons’ that gets me angry and annoyed is if I feel disrespected. I have had this pointed out to me a ton of times, but it does take a great deal for me to bring this to mind, and not just react to the situation.
One of my friends just sent me a meme that said “I have had my patience tested, and I’m negative”. I laughed out loud when I saw this – clearly patience is one of her ‘buttons’.
We all have ‘buttons’ that get pushed. They are different for all of us; and also they’re also situation specific. But the bottom line is that when our buttons get pushed, then conflict is likely to happen. Its not that the button is the problem; I mean, really, sometimes we are disrespected and we shouldn’t have been, or sometimes our patience is tried beyond what should happen. Buttons are there. That’s just our reality. It’s the result of the pushing that becomes the problem.
I have walked with several people this week who have come into conflict with someone. It has been a difficult journey to navigate. Sometimes it was because their buttons were pushed, sometimes it was because they were the button-pusher. Regardless of where the conflict originated, the result has been the same; angry, hurt feelings, broken relationships, and a breakdown in community. The result, in all cases has been damaging to everyone in the encounter, and damaging to the people around them who have been drawn into the conflict either as a participant or as a by-stander.
I think it’s the pesky ‘fully human’ thing that all of us were created to be, eh. Fully human, meaning possessing all emotions- and having ‘all of the buttons’ that can be pushed either voluntarily or involuntarily. But the problem is, that while we are given the full spectrum of feelings and the full spectrum of buttons, it really is ‘on us’ to manage what’s happening in ourselves.
And, at the end of the day, as Christians its up to us to also recognize that we are called to respond and act in a way that’s different; with expectations that our actions be transformed to be ‘above’ the pushed buttons and ‘above’ the nursing of grudges or the tried patience, or the angry retorts.
Yup – we are called to be ‘above it all’; but not in an arrogant or haughty kind of way, but instead in a way that’s,
Well – that’s like Jesus.
A place where we love an honour the other. A place where we value others above ourselves. A place where the health of the relationship is more important than thew buttons that have been pushed.
Now really, I completely get that this is a two-way street. In fact, I can tell you that the relationship with the person who ‘man-splained’ has not been fully-repaired and I’m still nursing the bruising; and unfortunately there’s been a whole series of bruising with this one relationship that will take a long time to mend. AND unfortunately, they aren’t at the place where they want to do any repairing.
Because it is hard, and it takes full recognition of your own buttons. And it takes ownership of the ‘fully human’ part of ourselves. And I don’t know about you guys, but I really hate admitting that I’m human and possess the full spectrum of buttons! But, I think, that that’s where our the rubber really hits the road, eh. If we really want to walk the walk that we are called to as followers of Jesus, we sometimes have to do hard things.
Hard things and tough journeys. Its our Lenten journey, eh. The journey with Jesus to the cross; the place of humility and self-sacrifice. The place of recognizing the fullness of our humanity but also the fullness of our Call to “Come and Follow”.
Blessings today my dear Bethel journeyers. We’ve got this. And remember you are Loved.
~Rev. Lynne
For me, Rising Above is one of the best natural outcomes of learning and living. Some people are really good at it; they are wise. My wisest friend also looks after her integrity – she expresses herself compassionately honestly. She also defends herself with strength, usually just by keeping her thoughts to herself. For a few years, we were in a book club together and after some meetings, we used to talk, sharing our thoughts, keeping nothing to ourselves. We never spoke unkindly of anyone; this was not gossip. Sometimes for preservation of integrity, wisdom dictates that I must withdraw. Sometimes it is impossible to withdraw, when the best course of action is to speak out or even physically defend oneself. (My pet cats of old were good at this.) Speaking out takes bravery and sometimes leads to positive changes. Yesterday was International Women’s Day, reminding me of oppression of women world over. For many years, some brave women have spoken up in defence of themselves and others, thereby Rising Above passivity, judgement. prejudice, sexism and state control. Many have died and continue to die. Wisely, Jesus spoke up ,defended, challenged, made waves, was brave. His physical footstep was probably bigger than my own, so mine would easily fit inside.